Tantrums are one of the most universal — and most draining — parts of the toddler years. The reassuring news is that they're a normal stage of development, not a sign you're doing something wrong. Understanding why they happen makes them much easier to handle.
Why toddlers have tantrums
Toddlers have big feelings and very small skills for managing them. The parts of the brain that handle self-control and the language to say “I'm frustrated” are still under construction. So when a toddler is overwhelmed, tired, hungry, or told “no,” the feeling spills out as a tantrum — it's communication, not manipulation.
How to respond in the moment
- Stay calm — your steadiness helps your child borrow control they don't have yet.
- Keep everyone safe and give it space.
- Acknowledge the feeling: “You're really mad we have to leave.”
- Don't give in to the demand the tantrum is for — that teaches tantrums work.
- Wait it out, then reconnect once they've calmed.
How to prevent tantrums
- Keep predictable routines, and warn before transitions (“five more minutes”).
- Offer small choices to give a sense of control.
- Catch and praise the behavior you want to see.
- Stay ahead of hunger and tiredness — common tantrum fuel.
Tantrums peak between ages 1 and 3 and then ease as language and self-regulation grow. Very frequent, intense, or long-lasting tantrums — or ones that continue well past toddlerhood — can signal an underlying need worth looking into.
Tantrums feeling like more than a phase? Our speech, OT, and ABA teams can help find the why.
When tantrums are more than typical
Sometimes frequent, intense tantrums trace back to communication frustration or sensory and regulation needs. ABA can make a real difference here — it focuses on the why behind the behavior and teaches your child an alternative way to get the same need met, using positive reinforcement so the new skill sticks. Speech therapy (so your child has words for big feelings) and occupational therapy (for regulation) support the same goal. Our ABA program is accepting a limited number of preschool-aged children in select area preschools, and our speech and OT teams are accepting new families.