“He just doesn't listen” is one of the most common frustrations parents share — but often a child who struggles to follow directions isn't ignoring you; they're having trouble understanding or processing what was asked. Knowing the difference changes how you help.
The skills behind following directions
Following directions draws on receptive language (understanding words and concepts), attention and memory (holding the steps in mind), and processing speed. A breakdown in any of these can look like “not listening,” when the real issue is that the message didn't fully land.
What's typical by age
- Around 1 year: follows a simple direction with a gesture (“give me the ball” while reaching).
- Around 18 months–2 years: follows simple one-step directions without gestures.
- Around 2–3 years: follows two-step related directions (“get your shoes and bring them here”).
- Around 3–5 years: follows longer, multi-step, and more complex directions.
How to help at home
- Get their attention first — name, eye level — before giving the direction.
- Keep it short and concrete; one step at a time for younger kids.
- Pair words with a gesture or visual when needed.
- Have them repeat it back, and give time to process before repeating.
- Build up gradually from one step to two.
If your child consistently struggles to follow directions appropriate for their age — especially alongside other language concerns — it may point to a receptive language difficulty worth evaluating (and a hearing check is always wise to rule out first).
Wondering if it's “won't” or “can't”? An evaluation can tell you.
How speech therapy helps
Speech-language pathologists assess receptive language and build understanding and direction-following through targeted, playful practice — and coach families on strategies that work at home. Speech therapy requires a referral from your child's primary care provider (faxed to 901-589-9001).